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My
13 Year Kindness Experiment
Read my news release
Twenty-some years ago I
met a man at a party in Toronto who had a look in his eyes
of someone who was haunted by the suffering he had seen. I
learned Henry had just returned from Ethiopia where he’d
been helping to reduce famine. It was exhausting work. I
told him I admired him for what he was doing. He said most
people hate him. That startled me. I asked why. “Because,”
he said,
“people will envy you for making personal sacrifices to be
kind-hearted to those in need and will treat you with utter
contempt.” A decade or so later I
understood his words too clearly.
This article about my
Toronto "Authors Bed &
Breakfast" appeared in a 1997
supplement to the Canadian Booksellers Association Trade
Show edition of
Quill & Quire.
Here I'm serving bagels and muffins to a woman (and her
unseen partner) who were visitors from
Australia.
My dream was to open a bed
and breakfast for authors on book tours in the heart of
Toronto, Canada and combine it with my book promotion
service. I opened on May 1, 1997. On August 20 I
experienced a home invasion and came face-to-face with the
intruder. That night changed my life for the next thirteen
years.
Because I was able to identify the intruder I helped police
put him in jail. Soon after, the death threats started
because I was freelancing as a broadcaster on national TV
and was visible to anyone in jail. Police officers advised
me to take the threats seriously - they knew the extreme
violence to women he was capable of - so I quickly closed
my B & B, gave away everything and disappeared. The
small community in Pennsylvania where I sought refuge was
hostile despite all my attempts to make friends, volunteer
in the community and do kind things for my neighbors.
After nearly eight years of solitude with constant threats
and vandalism from my neighbors, I sold my mobile home for half of what I paid
for it and moved again. I wanted to prove that kindness
doesn’t incite envy and contempt everywhere, but as I
remained consistently kind to others I had to concede
that Henry could have been right. In 2005 I bought a
condo unit in a 30 year old building in a Canadian town
near the US border at a price higher than market value
in an effort to help raise property values for my new
neighbors. I was earning good money again, consulting to
US clients by email and phone.
But it seems my neighbors, most of whom were retired or
living on government assistance, didn’t like - or were
envious of - my financial independence and the consistent
friendliness and cheerfulness I showed them. I received
anonymous crank calls, anonymous hate emails, public
accusations of things that I didn’t do, bullying in the
halls, banging on my door at all hours of the day and
night, and terrifying physical threats including a hunting
knife at my throat and having a loaded gun pointed at me. I
woke in terror every night. I cried every day.
Not a single person stood up for me or supported me. I put
my home up for sale, knowing I’d have to take out a loan to
cover the mortgage deficit. Then I received the
Cease and Desist letter. The directors I'd
voted for were telling me I had to stop earning a living
by selling my books from my US web site and stop
consulting to US clients by telephone.
I asked them how was I supposed to pay my mortgage and
condo fees every month without income, and was told that if
I didn’t pay, management would put a lien on my unit so I
couldn’t sell it. If they hated me so much why did they
make it so difficult for me to get away? I was encouraged
by a lawyer to just walk away and leave the country, but
I'm a woman of integrity and couldn't do to someone else
what I wouldn't want someone to do to me.
With no earned income I couldn’t qualify for a loan so I
could offer my home for sale at less than what I still
owed. I felt as if I were on a never-ending episode of The
Twilight Zone. For the 19 months before I sold my condo –
accepting the first offer - I used credit card advances to
keep paying the bills. On May 30, 2008 I was homeless.
Literally. Here I was, someone who once provided
accommodation to strangers, now living in my van with no
money, no job, no income, and not one neighbor I had been
generous to would offer me a meal or a bed.
I roamed New York,
Pennsylvania, West Virginia, Virginia and North Carolina,
sleeping in parking lots, staying in people’s driveways and
homes where invited in. Most people were hospitable, but
most had definite ideas on what I should do… there was a
definite feeling of contempt creeping in to their
conversations as though I didn't deserve to be treated as
an equal. I think there is contempt for the homeless no
matter how it happened. I think I experienced it so that I
could have empathy for those with fewer resources.
After 4 months I learned that my father was falling and
hurting himself and his wife had fallen and broken her
shoulder so I drove north to Erie PA and found an
affordable apartment so I could be available to help. I
knew I again would have to put my life on hold for an
indefinite period of time - perhaps years - and I would
likely not be able to earn much, if any, income due to the
unpredictability of my father's needs.
To pay down my debt load and to avoid more debt, I
started recovering money from people who had
overcharged, underpaid or never paid me in the past. I
found that I could get better results by helping my
debtors save face and look like heroes rather than using
insults, abuse, and bullying tactics that some bill
collectors use.
On December 31, 2009 I started uploading the first pages
of
AndreaReynolds.com the site that was
previously banned. I intended to get back on my feet by
offering to share the profits from the book I'm
writing:
The Kindness Experiment. I also hoped to generate
income from spinoffs like writing articles and speaking,
and share those profits with my early buyers as well... but
apparently it's not legal to do so so I won't.
An
FAQ will follow. Feel free to send me
questions. I'll answer them on this web site's
blog and in the book.
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In the works...
Incredible, but true, accounts of my 13
year experiment to see how people act when they KNOW
upfront I'm testing them.... and writing about them.
I couldn't make this stuff
up... I suck at writing fiction.
Cover Design: Jacqueline
Miller,
www.kenshinkyocreations.com
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The book | My Story | Excerpt | News Room | Cover | Payment | Patrons | Mission
Book Store | Speaking | Blog | Housesitting | Driveway Surfing | Crowd-funding